We’ve learned a few personal lessons from the realization that my dad is just [[Killing time]]. # When context is bad Put simply, you need hobbies and habits that can work even when the underlying context changes, such as if you’re suddenly no longer independent. If you can only socialize in a bar setting—or only _enjoy_ socializing in that environment—then it’s incredibly easy to lose all of your social contact when you can no longer visit the bar. Similarly, if your primary exercise was golfing, then it’s hard to adopt a new physical hobby once you can’t play golf anymore. For us, that’s meant thinking ahead about what hobbies we need to continue to cultivate. Life long habits, like primarily socializing in a bar or golf setting, are ingrained and difficult to change once you’re older. So while we’re still likely two or three decades away from needing this, we’d rather start now and have them be life-long habits that won’t change—even when our life does. We’ve also been working with my mom to make sure that she’s actively working to develop these new skills—and importantly, doing so in a context that can stick through her advanced years. What does that look like? Well, it means ensuring that she has a daily walking habit, which is probably the most important habit to develop. And more to the point, that she has a _solo_ walking habit. Why solo? Why not a walking habit with friends, or with her dog, who would certainly enjoy more walks? Because we don’t want the context to get in the way of the underlying habit. If her dog passes, or she’s too frail to manage a dog, we don’t want her to stop walking. And the same with walking with friends. I mean, we _want_ her to walk with friends, but it’s important that the habit be framed as “I’m a walker, and sometimes my friends or dog joins me” as opposed to “I walk my dog” or “I walk with friends.” That way, when her friends or dog can’t join her, she doesn’t lose the habit. She’s still a walker, after all—and that habit will serve her well throughout her life in numerous ways. This might seem like a weird or unnecessary distinction, but it’s a surprisingly important one. No really, this matters a lot! # Hobbies we'll pursue There are a number of other [[5 core habits|habits and hobbies we want to strategically cultivate]]. One is a (solo) walking habit, since it's the baseline exercise one can easily do and obviously aids in general mobility, flexibility, and helps maintain independence. You can also do this nearly anywhere. To help keep our minds sharp, both reading and writing seem like important habits to maintain. You can do these solo and anywhere, including if you're laid up in the hospital bed. Writing in particular is a skill that seems underrepresented when you age, but it seems incredibly useful. As one's memory fades, notetaking can become an essential tool for maintaining personal independence. Writing letters is also a great way to socialize with others. And best of all the process of writing helps you problem-solve, as [[Writing is thinking]]. Finally, the simple act of being social is a habit we're trying to cultivate. This one is a bit harder to discern the specific necessary activities or skills to focus on. But we know that it's important to maintain the ability *(and desire!)* to make and keep friends. It's incredibly important to have a community of friends that can help you out, provide camaraderie, and engage in social activities with. Becoming adept at establishing a friend base is a skill that will pay dividends throughout our life, but *especially* in old age. Also, when you're older, you lose friends pretty regularly, whether that's because they die or are whisked away to live with family or in a care facility. If you live long enough, you'll need a constant source of new friends to replace the ones that aren't around anymore. --- Last updated: June 26, 2023 First posted: May 23, 2021